My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
