WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Let's get the cat blown out
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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