Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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