i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
