Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
