The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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