I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
