Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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