Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
