just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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