So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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