The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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