Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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