so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize