We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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