just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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