from now on my penis is your penis
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
