I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
my shit smells like andre
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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