Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.

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  (202): I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants. (202): ______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up. http://tfl.nu/3a4d
  Replies (1) Good night (506) Bad night (916)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.

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  (702): Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks. http://tfl.nu/8gmt
  Replies (40) Good night (841) Bad night (3479)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.

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  (416): I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom. http://tfl.nu/jkib
  Replies (21) Good night (4402) Bad night (585)
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  (239): View more from Florida

  And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".

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  (239): And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine". http://tfl.nu/teku
  Replies (9) Good night (4481) Bad night (762)
• Favorite

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??

  (713): View more from Texas

  Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.

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  (832): At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept?? (713): Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger. http://tfl.nu/oww9
  Replies (44) Good night (4933) Bad night (9298)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.

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  (570): Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger. http://tfl.nu/xwib
  Replies (33) Good night (1591) Bad night (3551)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs

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  (516): i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs http://tfl.nu/7d0f
  Replies (6) Good night (2530) Bad night (987)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.

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  (734): you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you. http://tfl.nu/57kx
  Replies (7) Good night (1949) Bad night (1026)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes

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  (410): I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes http://tfl.nu/6kum
  Replies (3) Good night (1661) Bad night (595)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us

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  (303): They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us http://tfl.nu/8tzs
  Replies (11) Good night (914) Bad night (1493)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur

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  (831): Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur http://tfl.nu/smm5
  Replies (2) Good night (872) Bad night (504)
• Favorite

  (317): View more from Indiana

  I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.

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  (317): I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense. http://tfl.nu/526h
  Replies (2) Good night (777) Bad night (289)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  Can't find our DD

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.

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  (919): Can't find our DD (1-919): He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door. http://tfl.nu/0qwm
  Replies (4) Good night (986) Bad night (164)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?

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  (413): So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober? http://tfl.nu/dhkh
  Replies (1) Good night (194) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.

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  (215): Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise. http://tfl.nu/k2tj
  Replies (0) Good night (203) Bad night (311)

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