Texts From Last Night

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  (913): View more from Kansas

  are you going to last longer than 15 seconds

  (1-913): View more from Kansas

  nope

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  (913): are you going to last longer than 15 seconds (1-913): nope http://tfl.nu/rdaj
  Replies (34) Good night (1342) Bad night (6373)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Ontario

  It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.

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  (416): It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed. http://tfl.nu/yc3l
  Replies (19) Good night (979) Bad night (2758)
• Favorite

  (828): View more from North Carolina

  You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up

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  (828): You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up http://tfl.nu/y0oy
  Replies (27) Good night (6001) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop

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  (514): ..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop http://tfl.nu/2wez
  Replies (21) Good night (6528) Bad night (1107)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.

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  (401): I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes. http://tfl.nu/a6fu
  Replies (12) Good night (5079) Bad night (982)
• Favorite

  (281): View more from Texas

  His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled

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  (281): His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled http://tfl.nu/gplx
  Replies (20) Good night (1067) Bad night (4374)
• Favorite

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.

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  (856): 2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over. http://tfl.nu/sc8m
  Replies (8) Good night (3767) Bad night (1059)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I smell like Captain Morgan and tears

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  (860): I smell like Captain Morgan and tears http://tfl.nu/pqes
  Replies (11) Good night (1410) Bad night (2779)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.

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  (678): I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks. http://tfl.nu/fb5x
  Replies (8) Good night (2767) Bad night (667)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.

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  (518): She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands. http://tfl.nu/nkts
  Replies (5) Good night (1953) Bad night (604)
• Favorite

  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.

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  (609): I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved. http://tfl.nu/m2zi
  Replies (5) Good night (751) Bad night (1485)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"

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  (314): Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face" http://tfl.nu/5wsk
  Replies (3) Good night (1196) Bad night (428)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.

  (425): View more from Washington

  I'll pay?

  (206): View more from Washington

  Pick me up at 9.

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  (206): Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you. (425): I'll pay? (206): Pick me up at 9. http://tfl.nu/l115
  Replies (2) Good night (1035) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.

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  (908): She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid. http://tfl.nu/br32
  Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (257)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger

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  (515): Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger http://tfl.nu/4ncs
  Replies (1) Good night (354) Bad night (147)

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