My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender