i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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