i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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