i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
