Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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