I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
