Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
