Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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