Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
