I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Randomize
