It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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