thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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