She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
