Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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