wrigley field is MILF paradise
that's an acceptable place to lick
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
