Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
