Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
