Whoa Z and x make the same sound
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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