um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
