we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
