It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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