is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
