hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
