There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
