Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
