Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
