would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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