I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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