Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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