I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
two words...techno handjob
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
