Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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