billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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