So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize