I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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