the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
