smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
