i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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