Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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