she woke up with a sticky ear
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
