Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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