just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
