Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
