Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
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He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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