She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
