mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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