my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
