I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
