I think im going to throw up on grandma
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
