overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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