She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize