I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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