She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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