sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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