I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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