i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
