I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
