When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
