Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
