Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
